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Who would you be without your fears?

Do you ever feel like your messiness, insecurities or fears define every moment of every day?

For example, I remember being totally ruled by my body insecurities (or more like sheer body hatred) in my early twenties – I’d get up in the morning, look at myself in the mirror, notice how very ‘fat’ and ugly I was, and that would ruin the rest of the day.

I’d get into the office, sit at a computer terminal and spend all morning trying not to cry because of how totally shit I felt about myself.

The train of thought went something like this:

I’m so fat and ugly
Which means I’m so unattractive in all ways
Who would want to be seen with someone like me?
Nobody’s ever going to take a second look at me
I’m never going to be appreciated
People won’t like me
I have nothing going for me

Writing all of this out now sounds completely ridiculous – but it was my whole world at the time and it felt completely real and true.

This same narrative would continue to play out over and over again, just with different details and scenarios:

*Insecurities about how I looked
*Worries that I wasn’t ‘cool enough’ to be worthy of my job / friend circle / guy I was dating
*Fears about not being clever enough to write a decent PhD
*Grave feelings of inadequacy that I’ve not been as ‘successful’ as people I went to school with
… and on and on and on…

Then, ironically, a university friend from 20 years ago – someone I looked up to so much when we worked together on our campus newspaper and ‘feared’ I’d never be able match up to – asked me recently:

Who would you be without that fear / anxiety / insecurity / complaint / worry?

BOOM.

I took that as a prompt to re-imagine what I’d do, how I’d live, the kinds of decisions I’d make it I cleared the decks of all that messy, unnecessary, mostly imaginary, gunk.

What would be possible?

What if I just ‘pretended’, even for a moment, that none of those fears would ever happen? (spoiler: in most cases, they don’t – certainly not to the extent we imagine)

What would I do? What decisions could I make? What actions/risks would I take?

What possibilities would be waiting for me on the other side if a fairy godmother waved her wand and got rid of my fears?

Or, even better – how could *I* wave that wand and remove the fears myself?

And once that fear is removed, what one step could I start to take towards making those possibilities real?

So: who would I be if I didn’t feel a single tiny insecurity about the way I looked?

What would 23-year-old me have done if I felt nothing but total badass sexiness and hot-babe-vibes about my body?

What else would 40-year-old me do right now if I shrugged off any residual body shame? (I’ve just realised, as I write this, how much I’m not doing because I still feel too ‘fat’, too squat, not pretty enough)

The main trick to all of this is to lean towards the possiblity instead of getting dragged down by the fear.

So often we become so welded to our fears/insecurities that they become us.

Who we are becomes one with the mess.

But many cases – if not all – it really can be as simple as deciding not to ‘have’ that fear anymore.

To see the fear / insecurity / worry / complaint as something separate to us

recognise that it’s almost always not true

and definitely not serving us

and let it go.

You actually don’t have to let that fear be there (or trust that you truly 111% have the capacity to deal with your worst fear IF it does happen)

Today, I invite you to give yourself the permission to let go of one fear that you’ve taken on as ‘you’ and ‘yours’.

Then: let yourself dream about is possible for you without that fear.

Bonus: what one step could you now take to bring you closer to that dream and possibility?

​*****

If you’d like some extra clarity for identifying those fears and then kicking them to the curb…

Or if you’d like some support for dreaming into the possibilities instead…

I have 3 spots for 30-minute coaching calls next week and I’d LOVE to help you leap fearlessly into those dreamy ‘what ifs’! {Yes, they’re free!} Book your spot here.

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