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Fuck confidence

…and settle into ease instead

Although confidence is bandied about as an individual, empowering thing, it’s often also an insidious neoliberal, capitalist, patriarchal ideal that can be more harmful than not.

It tells us that ‘you just have to be confident!’

But often, that confidence translates into very specific expressions of extroversion, assertiveness, loudness and a constantly upbeat, can-do attitude that’s not comfortable nor aligned for many people.

It also defines success as an entirely individual endeavour and responsibility, while overlooking how social inequalities and structures make it much harder – or near impossible – for huge swathes of the population to ‘be confident’ and ‘just do it!’

So, I propose replacing this incessant emphasis on CONFIDENCE with a quieter, centred, knowing sense of EASE…

… where ease =

  • acknowledging your own strengths, gifts and talents (whatever that looks like)
  • knowing and owning your likes, dislikes, desires and needs;
  • defining your boundaries and honouring them;
  • understanding all this and being utterly okay with it, even if it doesn’t fit or look like social ideals of ‘confidence’

Then, you’re living and ‘being’ a place that’s aligned with the values you hold most dear.

You’re moving from a space that feels truest and most congruent with who you are.

You’re responding from the unshakeable space of YOU, instead of others’ expectations.

You’re at ease with who you are, exactly as you are.

(And bonus track: being at ease will mean you come across as confident anyway)

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