why I’m an ‘irresponsible’ coach

If you’ve been following me for a while, you’ll probably have figured out that I’m not your most conventional gal. And honestly, I sometimes worry that I’m going to get caught out for being sooooo irresponsible for encouraging people to work and research and BE in the ways that I do (hello, imposter syndrome).

But then I think NO – it would be irresponsible for me NOT TO coach the way I do

because not doing so is to enable my people to continue under the pressures of harmful capitalist, patriarchial, colonial imperatives that are so prevalent today…

…imperatives that always prioritise output, ‘production’, overwork, struggle, ‘results’, accumulation and external markers of ‘success’

over wellbeing, joy, heart desires and personal peace.

So let’s break down what I actually do – and why I refuse to be or do or coach any other way:

I coach people to follow their passions and be led by joy

Am I being irresponsible for not convincing them to stick to a ‘sensible path’?

No: I believe that when you let yourself be led by your joy – opportunities arise, you awaken to new, best paths for you, the right people are magnetised to you, your creative impulses open new directions and possibilities.

You develop the crystal clear focus and be led to the most ‘sensible’, practical methodsfor you to bring your creative, joy-fuelled visions to life. Everything else falls into its right place.

I coach people to switch things up, change direction, pursue non-linear, non-traditional paths

Woah, how irresponsible is that for not encouraging a 5-year plan and a strategy for career and personal development?

Is it? Or am I deeply honoring that noble truth of impermanence, respecting individuals’ creative impulses and the very real possibility that some of the most spectacular personal growth, success, deep fulfilment and satisfaction occurs when we allow ourselves to pivot and shift at different points in our lives to meet our ever-evolving needs and desires?

I coach people to let things be easy

Is it irresponsible of me to not tell them to strive more, work harder, push further? To advise them to “suffer now so you can enjoy later”? To remind them that “nothing comes easy”? Or “no pain, no gain”?

No: I believe those are all deeply entrenched, harmful capitalist ideals that keep us locked in an unending loop of ‘productivity’ – where what we do and produce is never enough; where our entire worth is measured only by what we ‘produce’; where our wellbeing and personal fulfilment will never be prioritised over ROIs, sales targets and making money for our bosses.

I coach people to honour their need to rest and take more naps

Is that irresponsible for (again) not promoting the ideas that rest is for the weak or that “you can sleep when you dead”? That constantly doing is more important than resting?

Absolutely not: I believe rest and just BEING is just as, if not more important, than doing. Being/resting and acting/doing are two halves of the same coin. We can’t take effective action without equal, adequate rest. The resting is what enriches the doing.

I coach people to embrace and allow messiness, even if (or especially) if it feels uncomfortable

Am I being irresponsible for not driving my clients to strive for and maintain tidy, neat, defined perfection? To smooth over the ragged edges, or sweep them under the rug? To always “put their best face forward”?

Nope: messiness, discomfort, things going wrong are all inevitable parts of being human and alive. Avoiding the mess is always going to be more harmful than good in the long term.

Embracing it and learning to work with it rather than to resist it, allows movement, growth and unimaginable possibility.

I coach people to listen to and be led their intuition / inner voice

Woah, am I just the most irresponsible person ever for not insisting that my clients “follow systems”, toe the line and be ‘objective’?

No: I believe deeply in the innate wisdom and deep knowing of each individual. I believe in and will always support every single being’s ability to tune into this wisdom and guide themselves to the best decisions for them in each moment.

I coach people to have more fun and play more

Is that being irresponsible for not prioritising ‘responsibility’ and ‘commitment’ over fun?

No: I believe that when you have pure fun and give yourself space and space for play (whatever that may mean for you), you put yourself in a mental, energetic, spiritual space that allows you to fulfil those responsibilities and commitments even better, with sharper focus and stronger, clearer intention.

I coach people to “fuck what other people think“

Am I being irresponsible for being callous and insensitive, for being dismissive of public opinion or for disappointing others?

No: my encouragement to “fuck what other people think” isn’t about being purposefully, wilfully offensive, malicious or uncaring.

It is is about setting boundaries, learning to place our own desires and needs ahead of people-pleasing, reclaiming and celebrating the parts of us that feel truest and most authentic.

I coach people to lean into possibility, rather than get stuck on what’s ‘problematic’

Is this irresponsible for not facing ‘reality’ or ignoring what’s really going on?

No. I hold that leaning towards possibility is not to ignore or overlook the very realities of issues like social injustice, social/cultural oppression and everyday challenges. But I also believe that only getting stuck on the problems and ruminating over them endlessly doesn’t get us anywhere nor solve anything.

Considering what is possible instead (or as well) offers us more of the motivation and impetus to take steps forward out of the stuckness into a better-feeling, better-being state for ourselves.

I coach people around human design, manifestation, tarot, conversing with the Universe

Am I just an irresponsible lala woo witch who’s disconnected from reality and away with the fairies?

Definitely no. I believe we are always part of and communing with something bigger than ourselves – whatever that means for you and whatever your faith or connection to the divine might be. Letting that support in is vital.

I coach people to live from and with a love that fills their whole heart

Is it irresponsible to live life as a wishful-thinking sap?

Well, no. If you can’t fall back on love and compassion as a guiding presence; if you can’t bring yourself to act from a place of loving compassionate grace, what the fuck else is there to live for in this short life we have?

So, that’s just a snapshot of the messy, unconventional, non-linear, weird, possible ‘irresponsible’ coaching, support and love that I offer my people.

I acknowledge that it’s not for everyone and that’s okay. Some people prefer – and do much better – with structured, traditional ways of working and being. That’s amazing too.

But I know that this other messy, ‘irresponsibly-responsible’ way does work for those of us who struggle with ‘normal’ expected, conventional ways of being in the world.

It’s what’s I used to get myself out of a some pretty horrible trauma and lifelong patterns of disordered eating, anxiety and self-punishing, perfectionist, compulsive behaviours.

So if you’re up for being messy
for exploring the parts of you that are desperate to go against the grain
for following the deep visceral wisdom coming from your belly (even – especially! – if it goes against all reason)…

… then know that I am here in your corner and I will hold that space as you get messy, explore and follow all those deep wild wise impulses that you already have and know to be right for you.